It’s sex, Jim, but not as we know it

Hoyden About Town has another post up in their depressingly-long-running series entitled “It’s not sex, it’s rape” – reporting the nigh-countless occurrences of sexual assaults being described as “having sex”.  Lauredhel includes a link to the fairly comprehensive and highly-recommended Pulling the Plug on Rape Culture One Word at a Time post at The Curvature:

What incorrectly using the word “sex” in cases of rape does is cast a shadow of doubt over the accusation.  The phrase “the defendant had sex with the woman” does indeed assume innocence for the defendant, but does not afford the alleged victim the same courtesy.  Her version of the events is entirely erased – and it also presents the “sex” as an objective fact, though the victim certainly might not view it as such. As far too many people don’t get, rape is not merely sex, but an act of violence – and this wording erases that as well.

Cara talks about how referring to things as “sex” and not “rape” implies consensuality, it implies that what occurred was just sex, not an act of violence – but on reflection, I realised there was a whole other, fairly grotesque, narrative in play.

To wit, that “had sex with a woman” may as well read as “had sex with a mobile vacuum tube“.

Down Under Feminists’ Carnival: I learned the truth at 17, that love was a patriarchal construct keeping me down

It’s that time of the month again – carnival time!*

Here it is, people, Volume XVII of the DUFC, containing the very best of Southern Hemisphere feminist discourse for the month of September.

Ten Simple Rules for Surviving Patriarchy

1. Mess Up That Dominant Paradigm Good And Hard

Boganette is leading the charge here with her sheer audacity in letting people know she isn’t going to change her name on marriage.  Gold star for the bonus cognitive dissonance caused by having a male partner willing to take her name!  It’s just not right!

Chally needs to you understand that you cannot actually be that progressive if you refer to things as “lame”.

In A Strange Land destroys Greg Sheridan’s reasoning why women shouldn’t be allowed in frontline combat positions.  I’m just amazed he didn’t raise the extra cost involved of shipping manicurists to warzones.  Then she takes on gender essentialism and what “woman” means.

2. Speak Truth to Power/Bigotry/Douchebags/Patriarchy

Just in case there were any concern that feminists just don’t talk about important issues enough …

Lauredhel reports on a Canadian study about the actual risks of injuries to mother and baby in homebirths vs hospital births.  Jo Tamar provides some analysis of why, despite the facts, doctors still prefer hospital births.

Spilt Milk writes an open letter to Kyle “Trigger Warning” Sandilands, whose work I am eternally grateful has never made it over the Tasman.

Chally reminds us that there are many different ways to be an activist.

Julie at the Hand Mirror reports on the Roundtable on Violence Against Women’s factsheet, released in response to the sentencing of Clayton Weatherston; and Anna takes on the odious CYFSWatch.

3. Break Down Controlling Narratives

shinynewcoin takes apart the notion of being “high maintenance” and the way it punishes women for doing what they’re supposed to.

Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony draws a fantastic comparison between men’s and women’s “risky” behaviour.

Richie dissects the good old “But I didn’t meeeeeeeeeeeean to!” line.

Lauredhel says yes, “these things” did happen in your day, you just said “boys will be boys”.

4. Don’t Forget The Men

Feminists are often criticised for making it all about the chicks and not caring about the poor oppressed suffering men.  There’s something in that.

We should definitely care about the men who get to have parental-celebration barbeques while women-parents shop, as documented by Fuck Politeness.  And we would be terribly remiss not to care about fathers getting governmental thank-yous for having the balls to financially support their own children, as brilliantly savaged by shinynewcoin.

Boganette has a Public Service Announcement about how it’s not your period that broke up your relationship, it’s the fact your boyfriend was an asshole.

5. Eat, Drink, Wear a Size Blah and Be Merry – or don’t

Chally links to an online feminist bookclub.

Boganette would be most delighted if you could not tell her she’s lost weight, asshole.  PodBlack Cat doesn’t drink, and has not been stripped of her Aussie citizenship for it.

Boganette and News With Nipples both cover the report which shows some women drink before sex due to self-esteem issues with their bodies.  Boganette is full of scorn, NWN wonders what the connection is with the study’s funders, Femfresh (for all your labia-deodorant needs),

6. Be Inspired By Women Who Rock

The Hoydens About Town presents an obituary of Barbara Moore:  Feminist, Lawyer, Writer & Grad Student of the University of Melbourne.  Bloody powerful stuff there.

Godard’s Letterboxes has the mighty Sarah Connor at #3 on their Top 100 Sci Fi and Fantasy Women list.  So far, so kickass, but if there ain’t a Servalan or an Ivanova showing up shortly there shall be a reckoning.

7. Have Kids and Consign Yourself to the Fight Against Gender Stereotyping and Societal Expectation

This is clearly a big issue of our times, and that’s just going by how often it crops up in the Australofemiblogosphere.  Heck, it starts before the bub even arrives!

Two posts on breastfeeding laws in WA: Lauredhel celebrating the likely law change, and girliejones explaining that yeah, she WANTS the freaking symbolism.

Godard’s Letterboxes has boys, not aliens.  blue milk has a boy and a girl – clearly the perfect sample for making wide conclusions about inherent gender differences.

Wildly Parenthetical wonders what’s so great about having a normal childhood.  Made in Melbourne sees people comparing the pole-dancing doll to the breastfeeding doll and is perplexed. Tor notes that the lovely paradox of performing femininity hits you good and young.

Lauredhel struggles with the eternal question, “How can feminist mums avoid being humorless childhood-ruiners?”

8. Celebrate Suffrage Day

September 19 was Women’s Suffrage Day in NZ.  Anne Else used the occasion to savage Chris Trotter’s waxing lyrical about the NZ Labour Party getting its manliness back on – apparently those 9 years in power under a woman leader were the worst thing to happen, or something.

In A Strange Land reprints the Women’s Christian Temperance Union’s reasons why women should get the vote, and Homepaddock features a cartoon from the era – why my househusband isn’t in the kitchen cooking my dinner right now is my question!

9. Refuse to Give a Fuck About Artistic Careers

In A Strange Land looks at the concept of moral luck, and about sums up the Polanski argument for me:

I don’t care how great a filmmaker he is. The fact is that he was convicted of raping a thirteen year old child, and he fled from justice.

An Irritating Truth gives good tips on how to be a socially-acceptable sex offender.

10. Remember, Little-p Politics Matter

The policing of trans people’s gender presentation.  Being a feminist in the open-source world.  The wider issues about “right to die” arguments – like the limited options people may be given.  The dominance of the male voice.  The wording of and assumptions underlying “scientific” surveys.  Whether privileged people’s “choice” trumps basic cultural sensitivity.  And why fear of genital mutilation doesn’t warrant refugee status in Australia.

That’s all she wrote!  Remember to submit your posts for the next edition of the Carnival, being hosted by Jo over at Wallaby.  ETA at Jo’s request:  The theme is Carers’ Week / Caring.  See her comment below for more info!

And if you’re ever at a loss for some good reading material, check out my own DUFC Contributors’ List (soon to be updated with this month’s new additions, I promise!).

Next time on Ideologically Impure:  savaging critique of the “posts” that didn’t make it into the Carnival, largely due to being horrible spam.

*Remember, boys, if you don’t actually want to know the details of my menstrual cycle, you are free to (a) not ask and (b) not ascribe my annoyance at you to it.

Rich white man expected to suffer consequences of own actions, end times nigh

Kate Harding basically nails it on the Roman Polanski issue, at Salon.com and then Jezebel.

Roman Polanski raped a child. Let’s just start right there, because that’s the detail that tends to get neglected when we start discussing whether it was fair for the bail-jumping director to be arrested at age 76, after 32 years in “exile” (which in this case means owning multiple homes in Europe, continuing to work as a director, marrying and fathering two children, even winning an Oscar, but never — poor baby — being able to return to the U.S.).

I don’t really have anything to add, because it’s just boggling my mind how this is even an issue.  How “he raped a child and fled the country to avoid being punished for it” is somehow not that bad because he’s made some movies and been forced to live in the cultural wasteland that is France for years.

I’m an equal-opportunity victim-blamer-hater

First things first, though, the XIIIth Down Under Feminists’ Carnival is up at SAHM Feminist. Awesome work, Azlemed!

Now, I must admit, I was probably asking for it when I agreed with Cactus Kate on something.  But I could hardly have expected the Universe to respond with the best most mindboggling piece of victim-blaming I’ve seen in a while.

Oh, *now* we can use the r-word

In case there were lingering doubt in anyone’s mind about the deliberate downplaying of sexual assault that occurs in media reports that commonly use phrases like “began having a sexual relationship with the nine-year-old”, and in case anyone still thinks the “not legally proven to be rape” argument holds water:

Horrified onlookers see daylight sex attack

A woman was abducted from a New Plymouth street and raped in broad daylight yesterday as horrified members of the public looked on.*

The 48-year-old was walking along Breakwater Rd … when she was grabbed by a man who forced her on to a nearby grass area where he sexually violated her in full view of the busy road.

…[Police] were able to arrest the alleged offender, a 29-year-old Taranaki man, soon after.

Look at that! Accurate use of the word “rape” while maintaining legally-mandated presumption of innocence! Who’d'a thunk it?

Unless of course there’s some reason this counts as “real” rape in some mystical way all those other cases don’t.

*In the interests of not confusing the point I am not even going to start on the phrase “looked on”.

DIAF, Karzai

As seen at No Right Turn, The Hand Mirror, and Shakesville:

Afghanistan’s President, Hamid Karzai, has signed a law which “legalises” rape, women’s groups and the United Nations warn. Critics claim the president helped rush the bill through parliament in a bid to appease Islamic fundamentalists ahead of elections in August.

It gets even better worse:

Article 132 requires women to obey their husband’s sexual demands and stipulates that a man can expect to have sex with his wife at least “once every four nights” when travelling, unless they are ill.

Along with the usual grab-bag of “oh, and it’s harder for you to leave him after he DOES rape you, but if he wants to rape greener pastures it’ll be comparatively easy to dump you” in a country which I’m sure offers fantastic welfare packages to divorcees.

And of course it’s not even like Karzai supports this crap. He just wants to win a fucking election, and if women get raped and imprisoned in their own homes as a result, well, at least he stays in power, amirite?

And fuck you, The Independent. Fuck you and your “legalises” scare quotes to hell. Does this legislation make it legal for a man to fuck a woman without her consent? OH I THINK THAT’S RAPE. But Christ, I guess we can at least credit you with using the r-word at all, yeah?

Sex crime reporting: You’re doing it wrong

First up:  hat tips to Fuck Politeness and Hoyden About Town.

As seen at that bastion of journalistic integrity, the Sydney Morning Herald:

A 13-year-old girl who was violated by seven teenage boys – some of them dressed in school uniforms – was told to “smile like you’re enjoying it” as they took turns with her in a public toilet cubicle, a court heard today.

The girl had vaginal and oral sex in several different Sydney locations with the boys in acts that one teenager taped on his mobile phone and later sent to his friends.

THE WORD YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IS RAPE. THE WORD YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IS RAPE. THE WORD YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IS RAPE.

This is not the declaration of war you’re looking for

When I was a wee thing, I thought Chris Trotter was pretty nifty. After all, he vowed to sing The Red Flag live on air if Labour won the election. But then over past years he’s failed to inspire.

Oh, and then, of course, he decided that people expecting Winston Peters to answer their questions (for once) was like a gang-rape.

And now he’s saying some pretty fucked up things about the Maori Party, as covered at No Right Turn:

If 70 percent of those availing themselves of the anomalous constitutional phemonenon of the Maori Seats do not unreservedly identify with the state responsible for preserving – and, indeed, augmenting – the institution of guaranteed Maori representation, then on what basis does that state sanction the Seats’ continued existence?

As NRT points out, the notion that Maori, by the simple act of identifying as Maori, are rejecting “New Zealander-ness” and therefore enemies of the state … well, it’s a bit fucking batshit, innit?

It gets better.

If it denies Labour a fourth term by negotiating a coalition agreement with National, that will amount to – and will be taken as – a declaration of war on the whole labour movement – brown as well as white.

Woooooooooooooooooow. Now, sure, on the one hand I can see a lot of Maori Party supporters being pretty hacked off if the Party entered a coalition agreement with National without gaining some bloody substantial policy concessions – and the same would go for the Greens, even. It could amount to political suicide on the Maori Party’s part.

But a declaration of war on the labour movement? Are you kidding?

Of course, given his ludicrously over-the-top response to criticism about the gang-rape comments (and cheers again to Craig Ranapia for doing the follow-up there):

How incredibly sad, that women who have the temerity to call themselves feminists are so blinded by their own self-righteousness that they actually feel more comfortable directing their outrage against the use of a simple literary metaphor, than in calling to account the person or persons responsible for tormenting and humiliating a fellow human-being.

… I think the truth’s out: Chris Trotter is that most feared of things – a real-life troll.

Women: Part of the furniture, and like furniture, just property

Firstly, a marvellous post by the Ex-expat over at The Hand Mirror:

A rugby player harasses a female flight attendant and sure enough, the incident is retold in the media as players indulging in hi-jinks or flirtation and the uptight bitch flight attendant has overreacted to just one little phrase, I like the way you walk.

Arrgh.

Sit down with ex-expat as she vainly tries to explain why if you think that women should in any way have to put up with or even worse think that this sort of behaviour is a misguided attempt at flattery, you’re a dumb ass.

But ex-expat, those Good Rugby Boys were Just Being Lads, surely! They could Have Any Woman They Wanted so why would they harass an air hostess flight attendant (and Christ on a bike how the use of language exposes some fuckers for the sexist pigs they are).

I am simply relieved that the airline took the attendant’s complaints seriously.

And then, some offline fuckwittery: as reported here, a German man has been jailed for selling his girlfriend into sexual slavery in exchange for beer.

That’s not the stupid.

The stupid, tragically not available online, is how this was reported in NZ Lawyer magazine, under their “Folklaw” section – clearly a jolly, light-hearted page of lawyerly anecdotes – which is the only reason why the short recount was peppered with phrases like,

“Men will do anything for the thing they love”

“Clearly, the police [after the woman laid a complaint] weren’t aware of the calibre of beer we’re talking about”

… because clearly this is a wacky wee fable to delight young and old. I can hear the Blokes Down The Pub now: “That must’ve been some pretty good beer, right, mate?” “Oh nah, mate, wouldn’t take more than a slab of Tui for someone to take fucking Sheila off my hands.” LOLOLOLOL.

Let’s be very clear here. A woman was RAPED, REPEATEDLY, OVER A PERIOD OF WEEKS, with the collusion of her “boyfriend”. She was SOLD like a fucking chattel by one man to another.

It’s not fucking funny.

It’s not a light-hearted anecdote.

It’s RAPE. It’s SLAVERY.

And on the front fucking page of the same fucking issue? Coverage of an Australian appeal reinstating the conviction of a Melbourne brothel owner of sexual slavery. Mmm, irony.

You can contact the editor of NZ Lawyer here.

Short and sweet …

Because No Right Turn and Hard News have already covered the other salient points about Deborah Coddington’s … column – the “forgetting to mention you just made shit up to hate on Asians” thing, the “calling people “insane bloggers” ain’t exactly conducive to a quick chat-ette” thing, but I just want to pick up two of my personal bugbears:

It’s not a real apology if you say, “I’m sorry you were offended”. It’s really not. Because you’re making the offence not about your words/distortions/racist bullshit, you’re making it about the people who were offended by same, and implying that, “insane bloggers” that they are, they chose to be offended.

It’s the good old, “Such-and-such was raped” passive voice, and while I’m aware it’s a bit of a leap from “offence” to “sexual assault”, you already fucking went there, Deborah. Getting called on your racist, dog-whistle bullshit is

the media equivalent of a gang rape

by sadists?

Please add to your To-Do list:

1. Learn some fucking empathy
2. Learn how to fucking apologise
3. If that’s too hard, don’t pretend to be “sorry”
4. GO TO HELL.

And a New Rule: Anyone who uses “gang rape” as a metaphor for being asked difficult questions about your own actions is Officially Scum.