Tagged: chuckles
Homosexuality is unnatural!!!
It’s a common catch-cry of the lesser spotted homophobe: homosexuality just isn’t natural because babies.
And it’s no good trying to convince them with the many, many documented instances of homosexuality in animal species, because we’re dealing with bigoted assholes who don’t even really believe what they say; their goal is really just to bully everyone into following their personal lifestyle choices by any means necessary.
But just for fun, next time you’re confronted with the “it’s not natural” argument, consider dropping this into the conversation:
Scientists have been studying the males of a particular species of Amazonian frog. During that time of the season, the males just get so darn vigorous that often they accidentally drown the female they’re all trying to hump.
At which point they give her a good ol’ squeeze to get her eggs out and jizz on them, thus completing the Circle of Necrophiliac Life.
That’s fucking natural, that is. And you can’t argue with Nature.
Aggressively promoting an ideology of lustful sexual licence
In the words of Atheist Pinko Sluts Monthly, where do I sign up?
Right to Annex Your Uterus Life is at it again, now badgering poor Tony Ryall in an effort to stop Family Planning from getting their satanic hands on your precious, sanctified taxpayer dollars.
Their primary reason, as always, is that Family Planning commits the iniquitous crime of helping pregnant people who don’t want to be pregnant stop being pregnant.
But then there’s sex education. The winning quote:
The NZFPA is part of the sex education lobby that is systematically undermining traditional morality and is aggressively promoting an ideology of lustful sexual licence while pretending to be concerned only with the health and safety of young people.
Remember, if Family Planning really cared about the “health and safety of young people” they would be ignoring all reason, research and reality, and telling them “don’t have sex, it’s bad! If you ever have sex except in the ways Ken Orr has approved of, you DIE!!!!”
Because that approach has historically ensured there is no sex out of wedlock, no unplanned pregnancies, and no abortion, EVER.
But Right to Burn You At The Stake Life has done their homework this time. They’ve uncovered Family Planning’s real agenda: forcing women into same-sex sexual relationships which degrade them.
Trufax.
It’s all encoded in a secret Family Planning document, entitled Keeping it safe, which expert symbologists will instantly recognise as an archaic slogan of the Illuminati used on documentation which is of the highest importance to the plans of our lizard-people overlords.
Ken Orr has valiantly risked his own sanity, nay his own life, to read this vile, blasphemous tome of eldritch cunnilinguistic lore, and he warns the Minister of Health thusly:
The guide is amoral, and promotes unnatural and degrading sexual practices that denigrate the dignity of women.
Now I, as a rampant slut, may read the dread words of Family Planning at a whim, and I can confirm Ken Orr’s statements. Keeping it safe contains noisome statements of utter perversion such as:
Talking about sex can be embarrassing for many women, but it’s essential in checking out what is safe and comfortable, physically and emotionally.
…
Be clear about what you want, and how far you want to go with any activity and value yourself enough to stick to that. The only way to know for sure if someone has given consent is if they tell you. Check out what your sexual partner wants. Be aware of her body language. Include checking if she is comfortable as part of your sex talk – a whispered “Is this ok?” or “Do you want to go further?” – can be very sexy. Stop if she says it’s not ok.
…
There are some things you can do to make your sex safer and to ensure that you care for your own and your partner’s health and well being.
Woe betide the dignity of women whose innocent eyes should pass over such wretched text!
Oh, fine. They do also talk about fisting. Slow, gentle, consensual fisting.
… Seriously, though. Don’t you feel so sorry for the poor admin person in Tony Ryall’s office who has to open this crap? “Any mail today?” “No, sir, just another screed from Ken Orr.” “Any laughs in it?” “Oh, culture of death, something about lesbians. I filed it in the circular bin.” “You’re doing fine work. Take an early break if you need to.”
H/T @badtom
Related reading: AlisonM at The Hand Mirror
A pretty bouquet!
I was directed to this post by “Cactus Kate” from comments on The Standard, and was highly flattered:
[QoT] must surely now defeat myself as the owner of the most invective of any New Zealand female blogger. This year definitely. Her anger is unmatched here. I cannot compete. Bless the earth if you got on the wrong side of that before noon on a weekday.
Fear my scary anger!
But it’s the sentence before that which really caught my eye:
Contrary to rumour I am not blogging as the ultra-potty mouth QoT.
I sincerely hope this isn’t just self-aggrandizing on “Cactus Kate’s” part, because if this rumour exists, I want to find the person who started it and buy them a drink.
The easy way to spot misogynists and feel good about your feminism
Over the past few days a couple of commenters at The Standard have taken a few swings at me.
They’ve pretended to be “surprised” that I’m commenting on a Saturday afternoon –
Thought you would be playing Saturday soccer or softball now anyway.
Actually you would probably make a good prop in rugby, they need to be heavy.
They’ve estimated my shoe size –
Not QoT’s this, is it? Or she’ll jump on me with her size 15 Doc Martins, and flatten me but good.
And, in comments tragically lost to the internet (but not my inbox) have referred to me as being “in man mode”.
It’s one of the great ironies of being a feminist blogger. People will furiously insist that there’s no such thing as sexism in our society, women are equal, the pay gap’s a lie …
And then just to tear you down they’ll make it clear that the very worst thing you can tell a woman is that she’s not a real woman. Because she likes softball and wears Doc Martens. (Oh, and also is fat, but for now I’ll just refer that to this previous post of mine.)
Upshot? I’m a big hairy masculine lesbian, that’s what I am!
The obvious problem is that if you’re not a pathetically insecure bigot, there’s actually nothing wrong with a person being a big hairy masculine lesbian if that’s what floats their boat. There’s nothing wrong with women playing soccer. There’s nothing wrong with women wearing Doc Martens.
But to these kinds of people – the people who will spend all day telling you you’re wrong about sexism – that kind of thing is literally the worst thing they can think to call you. You’re meant to be ashamed, upset, torn down, booted into a spiral of self-doubt, because you’re failing to match up properly to the Magical Femininity Scale.
And thus, they make your point for you. Clearly, there are still people who think women and men have innate, defined gender roles – because they do. Clearly, there are still people who look down on women who don’t conform to those gender roles – because they do. Clearly, there are still instinctive responses to shame women acting outside those gender roles, to bully them back into “appropriate” behaviour – because that’s what they try to do.
The only real problem is to try and quash your own reflex to try to educate them. They don’t want to be educated. They just want to shut you up. So don’t let them. And enjoy the belly-laughs when they just do not comprehend why their incredibly-cutting “lol ur gay” insults aren’t doing the job.
Recommended reading: The man on the roof
Gio lets Shearer have it with both snarky barrels:
He just forgot which party had elected him leader. All this could have been prevented had he resorted to tattooing, like the guy in Memento. YOU ARE THE LEADER OF THE LABOUR PARTY. THESE ARE THE THINGS YOU STAND FOR. But one always gets these ideas when it’s too late.
Go read the full thing!
NZ politicians: It gets worse
Andrea Vance has an article on Stuff about the Forbidden subjects in New Zealand politics – euthanasia, gay adoption, and abortion rights.
These are three issues where I truly feel change is inevitable. We will have voluntary euthanasia, we will allow loving, committed couples who just happen to have similar sets of junk to adopt and raise kids, and we will, as god is my witness etc, have legal, safe, accessible abortion on demand in this damn country.
And I know that one day, I’m going to have to explain to my children or grandchildren that yes, Grandma Ranty can still remember when male political leaders got to dodge debates about pregnant people’s basic rights by shrugging and saying “Oh, I haven’t given it much thought.”
But right now, all I can do for those in Parliament who want to ignore these issues because Bob McCoskrie’s penis might get angry at them is remind them of this:
It gets worse.
Feminist Dad to the rescue!
News With Nipples has created my new favourite comic strip, Feminist Dad:
On twitter today, Princess Nowhere, Emily Maguire, Clementine Ford (I keep some impressive internet company, eh?) and I were mocking lots of things, including the whole “every man becomes a feminist when he has a daughter” bollocks. Male journalists/opinion writers seem particularly vulnerable to this problem. And so, The Adventures of Feminist Dad was born…
It is recommended to avoid the comments on the second strip, where people are just determined to let NWN know that she’s being really mean to the Good Dads who totally are feminist. These people are the reason I need to have a “this post may contain satire” tag on this blog, and that’s just disappointing, innit?
I love social media fail: English Defence League edition
Linked from a comment on The Standard in an explodey thread which I have declared anathema:
Tommy Robinson took a few seconds on Sunday evening to make an observation about Twitter’s homepage. “Welcome to twitter homepage has a picture of a mosque,” he wrote. “What a joke #creepingsharia.” Of course, Tommy isn’t just any old tweeter, but the co-founder of the English Defence League, a far-right protest group. Tweet posted, Robinson no doubt wandered off to do other Sunday evening things; maybe plan a rally or two.
Tommy forgot three very important lessons:
- Twitter is full of liberal pranksters
- Some of them will follow racist wankers like you just for lulz
- Hashtags allow them to gather all their mockery of you in one place
Given all that, it might be advisable in future not to set the stage for them.
See the original article for some utterly splendid responses to Tommy’s silly little hate-moment. I’m particularly a fan of:
Alcohol is not available at my children’s primary school #creepingsharia
Maybe he was PMSing
Alasdair Thompson, creepy bullying sexist pig extraordinaire, has lost in his (and his wife’s!) complaint against the Broadcasting Standards Authority. A complaint which basically reads “how dare you quote my exact sexist words, you’re making me look sexist!”
The lack-of-self-awareness factor is heightened with a touch of “you breached my staff’s privacy! Of course I probably breached it first by talking about them on camera to a journalist to prove some point I had about how you bitches just need to choose between babies and A Real Job, but how dare you do your job by broadcasting that!”
Take it away, BSA majority:
“It is our firm view that if the item caused any harm to Mr Thompson’s reputation and dignity, this was not a product of unfair editing on the part of the broadcaster, but was the result of how Mr Thompson chose to conduct himself in the interview and was largely self-imposed.”
Hey now. Maybe his hormones were just running wild and he wasn’t rational enough to make a serious career decision, right? He would never normally loom over women and threateningly insist he’s not a bully, of course, so maybe it was just that time of the … oh, you know where I’m going.
Today in bizarre spam
My spam folder was heating up again, so I figured I’d share the highlights of what got cleansed.
First conclusion: spammers are getting oddly specific in their targets, this time trying to appeal to my New Zealand film industry-centred patriotism.
PS I sympathise with your desire to see more of India’s infinite riches of culture and nature… creativity and beauty… and yet can you imagine the impossibility for those of us who can only make the rarest of rare journeys to your land… and one where your filming has ranged so widely over the most amazing terrains conceivable that you have SURELY seen more than almost any other of India’s inhabitants…
The alternative is that someone, somewhere, had the epiphany that a lot of countries put pride in their film industries, so this would score big hits. Just … maybe not on posts about abortion law reform?
Also, confused about why we’re specifically bagging India. In spam from something alleging to be air-conditioning-related.
Second up: the ever-hilarious “link exchange” proposal.
Would you be inquisitive about exchanging hyperlinks?
I would be very inquisitive as to who the heck falls for this these days. You want to link to my site? Go for it. I’ll link to yours if I find it interesting. But then, plenty of people still honestly think a complete stranger from [insert country here] has died childless and just wants their $MegaFortune to go to someone with the [insert your misspelled surname here] family name, so I can’t pretend to be too surprised.
Finally, a big shout-out to all the bots who decided a post plugging a blog called Fat and Slutty was the right place for weightloss tips, and all the terribly confused people who just love my blog layout yet don’t notice how the name of the theme is right there at the bottom of the page. I’m sorry I can’t help you.
~This post brought to you by the Campaign to Make QoT Blog More Regularly, Real Life Be Damned~
Ideologically Impure 