I almost hate to do this …

But seriously.

In a story entitled “Everything must go: The TradeMe family” we’ve finally got a true Kiwi case of the real victims of the recession. Rich people.

The Frosts own multiple businesses but are experiencing a “cashflow problem” even though they’re tragically only millionaires on paper. So they’re selling “everything” and have gone “from riches to rags” buy flogging the family silver on TradeMe to make ends meet.

Did I say “family silver”? What I meant was:

Helana is sacrificing her evening gowns and high heels bought on trips to Europe, while Regan put up for sale his “toys”, including an HSV-GTS racecar worth about $95,000 new, a dirt bike and boat.

It has to be said, they’re at least being good and realistic about this with an attitude of “the spa pool and 20k baby grand piano can be replaced”, but one cannot help but headdesk at the unintentional ironies:

Regan has become one of the country’s top plumbers… He owns Regency Plumbing, which has reduced its workforce from 21 to 12 because of the recession…

Nine people have lost their jobs. But obviously, the real story is:

Nowadays, Helana says, you’re most likely to find Home Brand groceries in her pantry and they eat leftovers from their coffee shop.

OH DEAR JESUS GOD NOT SUPERMARKET-BRAND GROCERIES.

And yes, there’s Regan saying “maybe we could have watched our spending”, and there’s the willingness to cut costs … but then, in a brilliant intersection of Privilege Ignorance is Bliss and Women-Are-Shallow-Bitches Media Construction:

So is there anything she wouldn’t sell? “I’ll keep my children,” she laughs. “I could probably recoup a lot of money from my wedding dress if it came to it. I had it made by an Irish designer. But I’d prefer not to. If Regan told me to I would … or maybe I’d hide it.”

OH HA HA HA ISN’T IT POSITIVELY DROLL, DAAAAAAAAAAHLING? Women and their wedding dresses, AREN’T THE POOR WEE THINGS JUST SO SILLY SOMETIMES?

Regan and Helana. I am sorry for your current financial difficulties and appreciate that you’re doing what it takes to keep your businesses running.

But when you have a custom-made designer wedding dress which you can joke about hiding, you are not poor. And you are not struggling to feed your children. And you are not half as fucked by the recession as the Sunday Star Times wants us to think.

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