Tagged: how it went down

How it went down pt 3: bingo

Part 1; Part 2.

ETA:  Please see below for image description.

[Click for full-size]

[Description:  a bingo board of 25 squares reading:

  • You should be more careful with your language.
  • Let’s find a middle ground by you changing your behaviour
  • He isn’t being a bully because he’s factually correct
  • I checked this with my friends and they agreed with me
  • You were triggered by that? That wasn’t triggering
  • You were triggered? But they had good intentions
  • You’re scaring people away by being too angry!
  • I wasn’t offended by this so you’t really be offended by this
  • How dare you get fed up engaging with someone who just mansplains and ignores your points!
  • This isn’t about criticising your style, it’s about you doing things the wrong way
  • You’re getting bullied? Well, I can’t help what other people say.
  • You can’t quit! I’ll destroy the whole blog instead
  • FREE SQUARE – pretend this whole thing is about someone else –
  • We’ll be different from X. But I want us to be more like X.
  • You’re scaring people away! How dare you make me the bad guy
  • Let’s not have a firm moderating policy, we can just speak our minds when it comes up. Except now
  • How dare you say I tone argumented you when I just said you should be careful with your language!
  • I don’t think it’s problematic so it must not be problematic
  • We don’t play “nice feminist/mean feminist” games! But… be nicer
  • I didn’t call you a bitch. I just said you should be less scare.
  • This should be a safe space for newbies! Should I have mentioned that earlier?
  • He wasn’t being a douchebag, he’s one of my friends!
  • You’re being bullied? How dare you make me the bad guy.
  • We’ll agree to disagree, except when you disagree you have to shut up.
  • I said you were scary and now you’re uncomfortable participating? How dare you make me the bad guy!]

ETA:  I am very honoured to have been reblogged by Jaded16India, and very thankful to abigq for taking the time to write up an image description.  When I posted this initially I was obviously a bit pissed off and chose not to take that time myself.  This was a clear expression of my ableist privilege and I will in future not prioritise my being pissed off over basic accessibility etiquette.

How it went down pt 2: self-reflection

Part 1; Part 3.

Maybe, since this is my fucking playhouse, a little self-indulgence is warranted.

This blog is three years old.

Starting this blog was a really big step for my mental health.  It was an expression of confidence in myself, in my right to have strong opinions and speak my mind, in my ability to write things that maybe one or two people might like to read.

It still wasn’t that easy.  After the first big scary step there was a regression, an attack of nerves, a clear case of Impostor Syndrome, a constant second-guessing.  All those things still happen, especially when terrifying moustachioed dinosaurs launch an attack or several hundred comments on a guest post are dedicated to telling me I’m stupid and wrong and evil and ruining everyone’s good leftwing time.

This blog has been a three-year process of learning to not give a shit.

Not give a shit that the influential old men of the left don’t like my style.  Not to give a shit that the kids at Newlands College think I’m a dumb cow.  Not to give a shit that Ian Wishart wants to play spot-the-real-argument in my comments.

And above all, not to give a shit that I am angry, that I am foul-mouthed, that I am a woman unafraid to stand up, metaphorically speaking, and tell the world and its fucked-up gender expectations that I am not fucking modifying my soul for its fucking convenience, and I am not fucking holding people’s hands as their brains try to process basic fucking concepts like “mansplaining is bad” and “privilege is unearned” and “expecting women to “watch their language” is basically the definition of patriarchal restrictions on women’s lives”.

I don’t give a shit about those things because I simply will not waste any more of my life wondering if people aren’t going to like me because I say I’m a feminist, or aren’t going to take me seriously unless I talk a certain way* or aren’t going to pay attention to what I’m saying unless I couch it in terms they’re comfortable with.

This isn’t strength, really.  It’s self-defence.  It’s the only way I’ve found to protect my mental health and not go into a self-recriminating death-spiral of doubt and second-guessing inevitably ending in the conclusion that I’m wrong, wrong, wrong, and should just stop, and shut up, and quit making such a fuss because obviously I have no fucking clue what I’m talking about.

And you can fucking decide that means I can’t play well with others, I can’t work together even with other feminists, I shouldn’t talk in “safe spaces”** because I’ll just scare people, I’m everything that’s wrong with feminism, I’m the reason the movement will fail.

But I.  Don’t.  Give.  A.  Shit.


*And what’s fucking hilarious about that is that I’m a university-educated white girl who’s pedantic about grammar and often gets mistaken for an Englishwoman thanks to an upper-class Auckland education.  And *I* fucking have to worry about people discounting me because I swear, because I’m loud, because I snort when I laugh?

**Spot the fucking irony.