Self-indulgence corner: here we go again

Here we are again at that same old place where I’ve stood up for a principle and dared to be angry about it and it is revealed once more than even strident feminist bloggers are more than happy to dip into misogynist bullshit when their buddies are called on their privilege.*

It’s not a sin to be angry.

It’s not a sin to swear a lot.

It’s not a sin to have had friendships sour and projects fail in the past due to clashing personalities.

These things are only sins, and especially only sins for [cis]women, when you buy into basic sexist notions about how [cis]women are meant to be calm and nurturing and maternal and un-combative and reassuring and gentle, and when you believe that a person’s tone and personality and way of expressing herself are valid reasons to ignore the points she’s making.

They’re only sins if you still think “well your mum dresses you funny and no one likes you” is relevant to a discussion of politics and oppression.

Guess what?  They’re not things I feel even slightly like apologising for or being ashamed about.

It is no different to men saying “no one cares about your issue, little woman”.  It is no different to people in positions of authority saying “if you weren’t such a bitch I might listen to you”.  It is no different to every other time someone has tried to destroy progressive movements by saying “look, even normal people don’t agree with you”.

And if you are going to identify as a feminist/progressive blogger and pull this misogynist shit on someone, and refuse to engage with the actual points she’s made in favour of hitting all those well-ingrained social buttons that are meant to make her submit and go away and shut up out of the shame of being labelled Doesn’t Play Well With Others, I only ask you do two things:

a.  Own your massive, throbbing hypocrisy

b.  Fuck off.


*Yes, this post was inspired by your comments, Stef, and I’m sure you’re very proud.  But please do not flatter yourself that you’re the only hypocrite employing behaviour-policing shaming tactics against other [cis]women.  This goes out to y’all.


  1. notafeminist

    “well-ingrained social buttons”

    It alarms me that a large established (BBBBUTNEWWRITERS!!!) blog does not understand that this is not actually ok.

    • QoT

      It’s used to specify non-trans* people, rather than using phrasing like “women and trans* women” which treats trans* people as other and cis people as normal/default/insert oppressive language here.