Abortion is not your punchline, DPF
As spotted by Eddie at The Standard, DPF has a breathtakingly satirical edge-of-your-seat parody press release up – stating that the Green Party’s real plan for reducing emissions is forced abortion of two out of three pregnancies.
It’s a shit post and a shit analogy and one hell of a dogwhistle. And on the one hand, it’s so fucking juvenile it should hardly be worth drawing attention to (except as an example of why Kiwiblog is a fucking sewer).
On the other there are aspects of this that fucking infuriate me.
Green Party Policy
Back in October 2008, the Green Party released their population policy, a nice comprehensive 1,700-word document complete with totally radical definitions of words like “sustainable”:
In a sustainable world, society’s demand on nature is in balance with nature’s capacity to meet that demand.
Fucking hippies with their “taking into account the finite nature of things like land and non-renewable resources”, don’t know who they’re kidding, right?
It’s obviously a weighty tome, so we can hardly blame DPF and others for picking a single sentence, twisting it entirely out of its context, and then applying their own fucked-up ideas about what the Greens actually stand for* – and it’s particularly significant in the light of today’s lolarious “Greens will force women with wanted pregnancies to abort” theme.
The sentence?
The Green Party will:
Ensure that potential and existing parents have full and free access to countrywide Family Planning services so that informed decisions about the number and spacing of children can be made at the appropriate level, by the parents concerned. (See Health and Women’s Policies)
Wait, no, sorry guys. I didn’t have my Magical Kiwiblog Decoder Goggles on. Because here’s what DPF read:
Having Metira tell families they need to make an “informed” decision is as offensive as laughable. What she means is she wants people to feel guilty if they have kids as kids use up scarce resources.
And given the question “Who knows what Metiria Turei means” with possible answers “DPF” and “Metiria Turei”, come on, people.
There’s a whole other post to be written at some point about the tendency of privileged white men to whinge about how SURE, third-world populations are increasing at possibly-unsustainable rates, but HELLO, white people aren’t having enough to replace themselves! Why should white people take brown people into account? It’s not like we’re all part of the same global population, or anything.
But here’s what gets me: DPF posts “lol forced abortions”, and a number of his commenters are quick to leap in with oh-so-witty “I was So Worried, I thought this might be For Real, honest” replies. You know why that carries over there? Because of bullshit like the above – taking a bloody sensible, choice-affirming policy and turning it into “The Greens want zero population growth” for no other reason than … DPF likes stirring shit about the Greens. As Killinginthenameof puts it over at The Standard,
Has DPF ever engaged in debate with Green Party policy at an intellectual level?
He will sometimes criticize Labour policy with numbers measurements, philosophical and academic arguments, but the greens never. It is always hysterics, hyperbole and ridicule.
Fuck The Bludgers
As nicely summed up in a Kiwiblog comment:
The sense of entitlement is astonishing, but not surprising after 9 years of Labour.
If there’s one thing that makes me angrier more than anything, it is people who expect the state to pick up the bill for poor choices (philu..)
People that have children when in precarious financial situations are idiots. There are far more deserving people out there
This is DPF’s crowd. And when a woman commits the high crime of Being On TV While Receiving A Benefit, this is an utterly predictable response. Poor choices. Idiot for having children while being poor/unemployed (because nobody loses their job after having a child, childcare is free and convenient, and employers never discriminate against sole parents, of course). Why should We The Taxpayer have to carry the burden of that slut woman’s Irresponsibility.
And the same fucking crowd, when faced with a detailed policy from a party that advocates helping people choose when to have kids and how many to have, fucking explodes. POPULATION CONTROL!!!! NANNY STATE!!!! OH GOD WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE IN POTENTIA FRUIT OF MY LOINS!!!! THOSE BASTARD GREENS WANT TO CONTROL WHO CAN HAVE BABIES!!!!
It’s almost funny, in a way, watching people like DPF rag on beneficiaries and then automatically rebel against practical, concrete ideas to stop some people becoming beneficiaries in the first place just because of the logo at the top of the page.
Abortion Is Funny When I Say It Is
Of course, if the Greens were to turn around and say, “Hey DPF, great idea! Let’s totally encourage force women to have abortions!” we all know who the first person would be to turn around and scream “OMG NOT FUNNY!!!!!” and we all know whose pack of trollhounds would immediately start up the Greek chorus of “Keep your legs shut, you filthy whores (brekekekex, coax, coax)”.
You claim to be pro-choice, DPF. You could show it by not dogwhistling your peanut gallery every chance you get.
Ideologically Impure 
I’ve just noticed that you have ‘brekekekex coax coax’ as a tag and the classics nerd in me totally adores you for it. The logical, sensible human being in me is glad that someone has the stomach to actually read Kiwiblog and call him on his bullshit.
QoT, you are my heroine. This is so much what I wanted to say when I saw that piece of sh*t DPF had written, but I was too incoherent with rage to manage it.
QoT you rule. Seriously.
And WTF at the ‘it’s satire dontcha know’ comments. Abortion and miscarriage aren’t funny. Ever.
Thanks all! I wasn’t feeling particularly coherent but had to say something lest I explode.
It may lead to great rants, but the psychic cost of reading Kiwiblog may be too high to be a regular event …