“Iconic” might not be the word you’re looking for

So, the Eskimo lollies issue, which apparently is a Symbol of the Loss of Identity And Culture Created By Globalisation, New Zealand Tradition Under Attack My God Won’t You Hypersensitive Brown People Just Shut Up It’s FUNNY Dammit.

First, a world to international readers: “Eskimos” are a “traditional” Kiwi lolly, pictured in the above-linked article. They taste like death. Their sales success is due to only two things: (1) everyone consumed a metric ton of them as children because they were a vital component of the fabled, long-lost One Dollar Lolly Bag, and (2) nostalgia makes people do STUPID SHIT like eat rubber-spongey candies that TASTE LIKE DEATH.*

I swear, even gargling all-sugar Coke doesn’t kill the VILE AFTERTASTE OF CHEMICAL FLAVOURINGS.

Of course, now we can add (3) this has somehow become spun into a watershed moment of Kiwi xenophobia I mean, maintaining our National Identity. This is fracking GALLIPOLI 2.0, PEOPLE.

But here’s what bothers me.

If Eskimo lollies are so iconic, so part of our heritage … what, pray tell, does that say about New Zealand and New Zealanders? If Eskimo lollies are representative of it?

And what the fuck does it say when the media are able to get this much of a beat-up out of a single person voicing the mildest objection to it? I mean, fuck, there’s the classic automatic “feeling personally attacked due to attack on something held dear” and then there’s HOLY MASSIVE OVERREACTION BATMAN. Over a fucking lolly. A nasty-tasting, crappily-molded lolly.

This crap ain’t iconic of any New Zealand I’m proud to live in.

*And watch 1980s Transformers reruns, and sing the Captain Planet theme song in public. Am I showing my age?

PS. Editing the Herald, I love ya, but seriously:

Or perhaps ‘Eskimo’ just really isn’t up there with World’s Worst Insults.

Please shut up, your privilege is showing.

In other news: Deborah and Julie at The Hand Mirror have already covered the greatest panic-inducing headline story of the year: Obesity Epidemic Causes Global Warming.

Feministe has good coverage of the Angie Zapata murder trial, with predictable headdesk-inducing bullshit from the defence well underway.


  1. jcuknz

    The young woman looked and sounded like a silly immature and misguided child .. whereas the man featured on TV3 sounded quite reasonable. Yet another storm in a teacup.

    • QoT

      You are by no means obliged to care, jcuknz. Any interest in elaborating on that hilariously-gendered statement? I guess I should be glad you didn’t call her a “girl”.

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