Welcome to the Internets, Mr Doogan, how can we help you?

How Not To Make Yourself Look Like a Total Asswipe Online:  A Politician’s Guide

  1. When a group of your constituents organises to be more politically active, and contact you regarding their concerns, don’t hit Reply All and tell them to fuck off because their emails are “spam”.
  2. When they point out that that was kinda rude, don’t rubbish the concept of email etiquette.
  3. When someone then quotes you word-for-word and offers civil advice on how to not do steps 1 and 2 again, don’t stalk them, probably on taxpayer’s time, to find out their real identity.
  4. If you do find out their real identity, don’t publish it in a widely-distributed email newsletter after sending an aggressive email to them asking them for a comment.
  5. If you do all these things, for the love of Jesus and the baby fennec foxen, DO NOT try to claim that you’re answering some Grand Moral Imperative. And especially don’t say shit like this:

My own theory about the public process is you can say what you want, as long as you are willing to stand behind it using your real name.

Because then you’ll be Mike Doogan, Alaskan, Congressman, fricking Democrat.

Other things that might, um, be kinda bad include refusing to answer someone’s policy questions because they’re a blogger – while asking them to identify one of their fellows.

Oh, and while doing so, don’t say shit like:

How does you keeping this person’s name a secret comport with your “let’s put everything on the blog” ethic? You are talking out of both sides of your mouth, Phil. As long as you are going to pick and choose what information you make public, there’s really no reason for me to communicate with you.

‘Cause you know what people can choose to make public, Mike? Your idiotic emails.

Especially the ones where you say:

… I don’t believe in anonymity in the political area. It’s too much like people wearing sheets and hoods for my taste.

Any Alaskans who may stumble on this: I am so, so sorry that your politicians keep making you look this bad.