Oh, Garth George. Words cannot express how much I thoroughly renounce you and all your works. This time? You’ve outdone yourself.
We have brought it on ourselves. We have bowed to the blandishments of liberalism, immorality, materialism and hedonism and have set aside most of the moral and legalw strictures which for centuries formed the mortar which held societies together and kept them from self-destruction.
For nearly 50 years, we have presided over the gradual unravelling of the fabric of our nation through the breakdown of the traditional family unit upon which community cohesion has always depended.
You heard it here first, folks: domestic violence never occurred before filthy feminism and its horrific notion that women are people too. Men rape women because they feel threatened, poor things. We should just chillax and accept our natural place in the kitchen and bedroom, pampering those fragile male egos and popping out sproggen.
It’s the standard pompous windbag act from there on in, with no surprises for anyone who’s so much as glanced over one of George’s wankfests before.
But I cannot resist quoting the pièce de résistance at the end:
You can call me a sexist until you run out of breath, but I believe that God left creating woman until last because he wanted to make sure he got it right. The result was the creation of the most perfect and wonderful creature in the world.
GARTH GEORGE LOVES WOMEN! GARTH LOVES THEM MORE THAN YOU DO, STUPID FEMINISTS WITH YOUR STUPID “EQUALITY”! YOU’RE ONLY UPSET AND STRESSED AND ANGRY AT PATRIARCHAL INSTITUTIONS BECAUSE YOU’RE UPPITY BITCHES WHO WON’T STAY IN THE ROLES GOD GAVE YOU!
It is so hard, being an old privileged white man, and it’s your fault, because you sassy females have just turned the placid, happy, Shangri-fucking-La of Western society upside down. And that’s why children get beaten to death. All because you slappers dare to think, to write, to blog, to march, to lobby, to marry and have children at the time of your own choosing or not at all.
I hope you’re ashamed of yourselves, and will appear suitably repentant at our next Premarital Snogging and Foetus Barbeque.
And now, some Yes Minister.