A little less self-flagellation, a little more taking some fucking responsibility, please

So, Kyle Payne. I was first introduced to the flaming asshat via Belledame. Renegade Evolution has a comprehensive list of posts made on the topic, and I encourage y’all to go read what some other fine bloggers have said.

Tawdry story short: Kyle Payne is a feminist. He cares about women. He cries when he watches porn. He was a rape counsellor and an RA, and while caring for an unconscious female student, he touched her breasts and filmed them with his handy digital camera.

Thanks to the wonders of lawyers, he’s managed to avoid being charged with sexual assault, instead pleading guilty to just the “exposing” of the woman’s breast. And he continued to blog about the awfulness of the evil patriarchy, and the terrible things pornography makes men do to poor vulnerable women.

So far, so fuckin’ awful, and people from all ends of the spectrum were rightfully pissed off.

But Kyle has outdone himself: he sent an email to many of the actually-feminist, actually-pro-woman, bloggers who decried his bullshit, to inform them of a Statement to be made about … “recent events in his life”.

It gets better. Allow me a moment of amateur statistics:

Uses of “I”: 97

Mentions of victim: 8
Mention of crime as affecting victim:

“may have left her feeling less safe”
“hope she is doing well”
“hope she knows she did not deserve to be treated this way”
“caused harm”

Mention of crime as affecting Kyle:

act which “contradicts my own personal values and my politics”
“didn’t know how to deal with this feeling”
“left me in a state of disbelief”
psych evaluation and treatment
lost my job
lost my apartment
unable to attend graduation
banned from campus
forced to leave activist groups
compromised reputation
“subject of intense scrutiny”
serious limitations on career prospects
serious limitations on involvement with organizations
serious limitations in personal relationships
lost a great deal
wanted to die
employed full-time
about to graduate
“faced criticism through the Internet”
“online smear campaign”

Euphemisms for “committed sexual assault on an unconscious woman I had a duty of care toward”:

terrible act
“harmful and inappropriate actions”
act
incident
hurtful actions
actions

Cara at The Curvature has a list of some of the other issues – afraid of the word “assault”, Kyle? It’s what you fucking did. Honestly under the impression you could ever be given a duty of care over sexual assault survivors ever fucking again? And PhysioProf makes the rather important point that insinuating oneself into communities of one’s victim(s) shouldn’t be seen as a mitigating factor in your crime, fuckwad. But here’s what just makes me want to scream:

My reputation as a pro-feminist activist and an advocate for survivors has been seriously, and quite possibly irrevocably, compromised.

OH POOR BABY. IS ICKLE DIDDUMSES’ WEPUTATION COMPWOMISED? BOO FUCKEDY HOO YOU FUCKING WANKSTAIN. Has baby-icklekins fucking disguise as a Male Feminst, Oh God I Truly Understand Your Suffering, come undone? IT’S SUCH A FUCKING PITY, because if only some naughty third party hadn’t narked, you might to this fucking day be in a position of trust involving victimized or vulnerable women!

Add to this Kyle’s earlier cries of a “smear campaign” being perpetrated by nasty, nasty pro-porn people. It isn’t a smear campaign if you later confirm everything they fucking say, only with extra “waa me waa me me me waaa” and a side order of “I just couldn’t help myself! Sudden impulse! No control over my actions!” – that is, the exact same bullshit excuse used by scum, from rapists to wolf-whistlers, since time immemorial.

I think Anne Onne, in the comments to a post on The F Word, put it bloody brilliantly:

This young woman needed him to be an ally. She needed someone who, when she was unconsious, would not give in to whatever sordid ideas flashed through his mind. She needed someone who wouldn’t choose to expose and take pictures of her body, without her consent, as she lay unsonscious. She needed a feminist, someone who believes women have a right to their own body.

What did she get? Some sleazebag, who despite saying he thinks women deserve privacy and bodily autonomy, took the first opportunity he could to take pictures of the body of an unconsious woman in his care.

And what remorse has he shown? None. Just the defense that he felt like doing it, so he did. Wake up, dude, it’s the same excuse rapists use. And you know what feminists think of rapists and other sex offenders. Yeah, and now you’re in THAT club. And I guess we’re all lucky that THAT particular impulse didn’t cross your mind when you were with this woman, since you clearly have NO desire to control yourself.

She didn’t need a hypocritical bullshit artist whose idea of “feminism” is spouting condescending tripe for no greater purpose that self-aggrandizement. To wit:

My actions have been terrible and tremendously hypocritical, and they have caused harm not only to the victim, but to women generally, who deserve nothing less than an end to rape and all other forms of male domination.

Nothing less, you adorable little things, you hear him? And if you’re extra good, Uncle Kyle will buy you a whole icecream cone.

6 comments

  1. belledame222

    Oo, nice breakdown. Yeah, there’s nothing worse than a sanctimonious narcissist. Well, I mean, except for one that’s also a damn sexual predator.

  2. DJ Carson D

    I like this breakdown. I was thinking of doing something similar when I write my letter to the judge. I hope you don’t mind if I reference some of your statistics here.

    [QoT: Not a problem! Reference at will.]

  3. Pingback: Update on “feminist” dude, Kyle Payne « Editorializing the Editors
  4. Ari

    Yeah, I’d heard about this as well… It just goes to reinforce the fact that just because someone talks the talk doesn’t mean you can trust them. Which is a sad state of human affairs. Those of us supporting feminists can and should do better. =/

    The dialogue you’ve highlighted is extra-disturbing too- how someone can claim to be a feminist or support feminism and weasel-word their way through this invasion of a woman’s privacy is something I have difficulty finding words for. (Or at least, words I’d use on someone else’s blog)

  5. Pingback: This is not an IBARW post « Ideologically Impure
  6. Darren Johnson

    I ecourage everyone to call write or email the judge in this case and ask him to sentence Kyle Payne to prison. I would also ask all to call the Buena Vista County Attorney he is the one who aggreed to the plea bargin. He is also the the one that will be arguing for the state as to what punishiment he thinks Payne should get. The ball is in the County Attorneys Court as to what will happen to Kyle Payne. He was elected to do the will of the people. I believe the majority would say Kyle Payne needs to go to prison for the heinous crime he committed. Please call, write or email: Dave Patton
    County Attorney
    606 Geneseo Street
    Storm Lake, Iowa 50588
    (712) 732-1933
    (712) 732-2009 FAX
    dave@bvcountyattorney.org

    Mr. Patton needs to know the nation is watching.

    DRD