Your semi-regular reminder on how to be an ally

When you identify there’s a problem in the world, or in your own industry or workplace or whatever, you might want to make a big statement about how it needs to be fixed.

You might say “we need to destroy [problem].”

And you might feel really, really fucking good about yourself for taking a stand against the problem.

But before you continue down this path, putting on a cape and making little “I’m a [problem]-destroyer” badges for all your friends, you might like to consider:

1.  Sitting down and having a think about how you personally might be part of the problem.  You’re not THE problem.  You’re not an evil person who deliberately sets out every morning to make [problem] worse.  But if you can see it in others, and they don’t recognise it, maybe others see it in you.

2.  When someone points out that you’ve totally innocently slipped up and thus contributed to [problem], saying “oh shit, you’re right.  I’ll work on that.”  No one necessarily expects you to be perfect, because this shit is internalized and subconscious, right?

3.  Continue to oppose [problem] where you see it, and support those affected by it without dominating the conversation, while remembering that you’re a work in progress too.

4.  The world is a better place.

How to be an ally in Bizarro World

1.  When you want hot feminist chicks to give you blowjobs, appropriate some of their language and make a big fuss about how much you care about misogyny.  (Don’t worry about actually figuring out what misogyny is or anything, it’s a total drag.)

2.  When those fucking bitches don’t line up to smoke your sweet man-cigar, and in fact have the gall to call out the fact that you’re not walking the talk, consider guilt-tripping them for not rewarding you properly for parrotting their language.  Imply that they are the problem and that if they don’t give more head, they’ll lose your valuable support.

3.  If they continue to not give you the fellatio to which you are totally entitled because this one time you said “let’s destroy misogyny”, just abuse them.  That’ll put them in their place and then maybe the next time you put your hand out for cock-related cookies they’ll remember who the man is around here.

For an example of this approach in action, click here.  And then give Mike Monteiro some sweet feminist loving like he deserves.

2 comments

    • QoT

      You’re right. I’ve assumed Mike Monteiro is a cis man, in a long line of cis men, who have shat on women who don’t act like submissive little automatons.

      I’ve used fellatio as a symbol for this because patriarchy is all about men treating women (especially even-less-privileged women like trans women and women of colour) like unthinking sex-dispensers, a meme which I think accurately reflects Monteiro’s attitudes.

      It’s cissexist because the patriarchy I’m critiquing is.