21 great reasons to eyeroll at Family Fist

Mythical-concepts-of-Family First have issued a pamphlet (warning: links to Family First website) outlining the “21 great reasons” to keep legally discriminating against loving same-sex couples and parents.

I assure you you don’t need to read it, since it’s actually just the same old four ridiculous reasons they always bring up:

  1. Marriage is an eternal unchanging institution, the Bible says so, also we’re afraid of change
  2. We don’t hate gay people, we just think they’re icky different
  3. What about dogs, ponies, and underage children?  (This line of reasoning really never does get less creepy, does it?)
  4. THINK OF THE CHILDREN (not because of the underage marriage provision, obvs)

Which is where they roll out this hilarious image:

family first 1

A sad-looking white girl stares soulfully at the camera, captioned: “If I have two dads, who will be my mummy?”

I thought of a few ways to respond to this.  There’s the classic “lacking one bio-parent doesn’t mean you never see a person of that gender for your entire childhood” argument:

ovaries

A sad-looking white girl stares soulfully at the camera, captioned: “If I have two daddies, two grandmothers (typo in original), several aunties, a godmother, multiple female primary school teachers and a Scout Leader, I will obviously still be fucked up because the specific ovaries which spat out the egg which became me isn’t in the picture. Shit.”

Then there’s, “but despite continually insisting that you have SCIENCE on your side, you’ve simply never established that a parent of either gender is 100% necessary to the development of a well-socialised human being”:

A sad-looking white girl stares soulfully at the camera, captioned: "If I have two kittens, who will be my puppy?"

A sad-looking white girl stares soulfully at the camera, captioned: “If I have two kittens, who will be my puppy?”

But let’s be honest, after five minutes trying to engage with the bizarro logic of homophobic bigots, I just decided laughter was the best policy.

A sad-looking white girl stares soulfully at the camera, captioned: "If

A sad-looking white girl stares soulfully at the camera, captioned: “If a train leaves Timaru at 50kph at 2pm travelling a distance of 250km, and neither of my gay dads are good at math, can I get a homework credit?”

A sad-looking white girl stares soulfully at the camera, captioned: "When there's something strange in your neighbourhood, who are you gonna call?"

A sad-looking white girl stares soulfully at the camera, captioned: “When there’s something strange in your neighbourhood, who are you gonna call?”

A sad-looking white girl stares soulfully at the camera, captioned: "If I summon Cthulhu, who will summon Shub-Niggurath?"

A sad-looking white girl stares soulfully at the camera, captioned: “If I summon Cthulhu, who will summon Shub-Niggurath?”

11 comments

  1. V (verbscape)

    A sad-looking white girl stares soulfully at the camera, captioned: “If I let you take my photo, can I please go pee soon?”

    (Seriously, she just looks uncomfortable to me. Someone let the poor thing have a toilet break!)

  2. AlisonM

    Enjoyed! If that’s the right word. Where would Bob be without iStockPhoto? When I have time to waste, I sometimes enjoy doing TinEye reverse image searches to see what other fun things Bob’s images are advertising. Found this one — which is among others advertised as “royalty free weep images” — on a book cover at Amazon, where sad-looking white girl has big tears and they are blue. On another matter, she says flogging a dead horse (sorry horse), FF is STILL a charity, though perhaps Red Queen is working on that. Sheesh.

  3. Frank Macskasy

    “But let’s be honest, after five minutes trying to engage with the bizarro logic of homophobic bigots, I just decided laughter was the best policy.”

    Which is why the rabid right hate Jon Stewart at “The Daily Show” with such pathological vengeance.

    The Right hate being laughed at. It means no one is taking their lunatic ideas and prejudices seriously.

  4. Pingback: Priorities – according to the ‘gospel’ of Colin Craig « Frankly Speaking…
  5. Rhinocrates

    Mel Brooks has said that he makes so many jokes and skits about Nazis because he wants them to seem so ridiculous that nobody would want to follow them.

    • QoT

      Werner Klemperer, who played Colonel Klink in Hogan’s Heroes, was Jewish, and insisted on taking the role that Klink never be allowed to win anything.

      • Rhinocrates

        Really? That’s interesting.

        BTW, you should look up Mel Brooks’ war record – he was in the Army Corps of Engineers, specialising in bomb disposal. Not only that, as part of psyops (psychological operations) the retreating Nazi forces would broadcast propaganda through loudspeakers at the advancing American forces. Mel responded by setting up loudspeakers himself and played Al Jolson songs through them. Jolson was a Jewish actor and singer who performed “negro” music” in blackface, not because he was racist himself, but because that was the only way that WASP audiences would listen to African-American music and is credited with bring jazz to white audiences. If anything, it just shows how absurd racism is, and how people work around it my even more absurd means.

        Stanley Kubrick originally intended to make Dr Strangelove as a serious thriller, but realised that the real people he was depicting were in fact batshit insane and decided to treat them as such. To the end of his days, Edward Teller – one of the models for Strangelove – would have frothing temper tantrums if the film or Kubrick were mentioned to him.

        Racism is not just bad – it’s stupid, and stupid in a really, really screwed-up way. Bigotry really deserves nothing but ridicule that highlights its absurdity, because bigots like to pretend that somewhere they have a serious point, that really they are reasonable people – which is why they hate being shown that they are none of these.

        Ridicule is the weapon that will break through the armour of “Well, he may be a bit extreme, but he does have a point, you know…” used by the defenders of Prosser, McCrosky and McVulture.

        …rant over for now…