Mind-blowing information about sex from Dr Miriam Grossman

Dr Miriam Grossman, who thinks all comprehensive sex ed should strongly emphasise that performing fellatio even once gives you a 120% chance of dying of throat cancer, has made a shocking discovery which will rock the foundations of the evil, slutty pro-sex-ed movement to the core.

People

lie

about

their sexual history.

Holy fucking shit.

Well, this sure screws us, doesn’t it?  All the time we pro-sex-ed people have put into our solitary key message – “just ask people about their sexual past and believe everything they say” – well, that was a waste.  Because people lie.

Oh my god.

If only we’d thought to make multiple points, like:

  • it’s a great idea to discuss your partner’s sexual history and ask if they’ve had a recent STI check
  • even if they say they’re STI-free, using barrier methods like condoms can greatly reduce your chances of contracting an STI

And if only we’d thought to make comprehensive information about STIs available on some kind of common knowledge-sharing platform, like a website!

We are undone.  Cancel the sexual health talks, burn the informative posters, sell the domain names.  If we can’t even figure out that people lie and that we need to advice people on how they can keep themselves safe in a world where people lie … well, what good are we?

4 comments

  1. MJ

    I’m yet to get past paragraph two. I’m still stuck on the fact that she has scare-quoted the word partners.

    I just… what?

  2. ObjectiveReality

    I propose a system of wireless chips in people’s genitals. When they come into close contact, they’ll update your log of sexual partner. It’ll plug into a Facebook app, naturally.

    • QoT

      Great, then Dr Phil can do a special episode on “CHIP PARTIES: the latest sick craze! Are YOUR teenage children rubbing butts at school in order to look popular on Facebook?”